When Boredom Strikes Kita
by Maudlin Cycle
Summary: Weiss Kreuz, Harry Potter, and then SpongeBob Sparepants... I have no life. [ warning: Relena bashing, boy x boy ]
1. The Madness Begins

Kita-Hoshi sat at her computer desk, trying to type up some form of literary work. Her ass was now completely numb since she had been sitting in the same position for the past couple of hours. Her back was hurting, too. So she stretched, cricking her spine which somehow led to having her bum feel sore. o.O;; Isn't life lovely? She stared at the clock on her computer, diligantly watching the time go by.  
  
"Happy New Year, Kita," She said to herself since no one was there and she was bored out of her mind. Why wasn't she doing anything? Because she has no life other than being on the internet. It's pathetic.  
  
'What the fuck am I going to write about? I need something to write about... I should really type up Kiona's diary entries.' She sighed. 'No, that'd take too long. Besides, it'd be boring. I should just really pay a visit to some anime sites.' With all that in her deranged mind, she set forth, scanning the internet for anime websites! Of course, these type of sites weren't hard to come by. Out of the blue, she decided to search for Weiss Kruez... Kita read the character bios, some summaries, looked at a couple of pictures, then got an idea. 'Hey... I should write a fic about them!' Lord only knows what Kita is now going to write at 1:43 on this very night...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Omi bounced around the flower shop, arranging and replacing vases and flowers. Why? Because the boys hyper and needs something to do. Moaning was heard from upstairs. Oh, did I neglect to mention the Weiss Boys' lived in a Flower Shop that had upstair apartments? I did? Well now you know. That is, if you didn't.  
  
"Yohji! That better not be you up there!!"  
  
Louder moaning in response.  
  
Omi mumbled incoherent thoughts and walked behind the counter, through a door, and up the stairs. Not like I know for sure that the Flower Shop is like this. Heh. Oh well. Aya ignored Omi and the appearantly moaning Yohji, filling out all the necessary paper work for the store. Um... I don't know it sounded good. Then Omi squealed.  
  
"AIEEE~!! YOHJI-KUN!"  
  
Sounds of a struggle insued, followed by a rather unpleasant THUD. Joy.  
  
Aya thought it was best not to ask what was going on. Asking questions meant you didn't know what was going on. Not going on was a bad thing. This was a deffinate no-no. Just then, Ken ran into the shop, half naked. He was panting, looked completely horrified, and had a sock, what seemed to be plaid boxers, and his broken goggles left. Oh, and he had the collar of his blue shirt. Heh. In general, he looked like he had fallen out of a twister. Aya looked at Ken and was taken aback.  
  
"What happened?" Screw what I just said about not asking questions! .  
  
"They attacked.. *pant* too many.. *pant* stole clothes.. *weeze*"  
  
Aya was perturbed. What perturbed means, I have no idea. But it sounds cool. "Who? Was it Schwartz?"  
  
"No! *deep breath* Rabid fangirls! They mauled me! I was completely surrounded!"  
  
Ken continued on with his story and Aya just did what came naturally in situations like this... He became flustered and annoyed. That and he had a sexy-wexy Ken-san infront of him with hardly any clothes on! You'd be a little flustered yourself. However, Mr. I'll-Only-Sleep-With-Ken-If-I'm- Paid-Generously *smirk* was not about to let this known. No, no. He was NOT attracted to Ken. Not in the least. Perish the very thought. If Aya knew you thought this he would come after you with his shiney katana. We don't want that now, do we?  
  
"Aya..." Ken was bawling. Aww! He needs a hug!  
  
"What?" His voice was cold as always. FUCKER! Can't you see our beloved bishie needs a hug?!  
  
Ken ran over to Aya and flung his arms around the tall, pale boys neck. He cried on Aya's shoulder for all he was worth. Poor Aya-sama didn't know what to do. So he did what came naturally. He patted Ken on the back akwardly. -___-' Say comforting words, Aya! Baka...  
  
"Shhh.. It's okay, Ken. I won't let the mean fangirls hurt you ever again." And then he hugged Ken back. ^____^  
  
Ken-san's eyes got all woobley and watery then he pulled backs and smiled at Aya. "You really mean it, Aya?"  
  
"Hai." Aya nodded. He was blushing and you could tell because he's really pale. AIEEEE! So kawaii~!!  
  
And then Aya and Ken had mad hot sex on the counter of the Flower Shop. It was good. As for the mysterious moaning coming from Yohji's room... Well, NOW it's Omi and Yohji. Ha HA! As for the earlier periods of moaning, let's just say Omi is hearing impaired. o.O;; Yeah, hearing impaired.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And that was what Kita wrote. She finished at 2:05 AM. How cool is that? Actually it's not. It's pretty fucking lame.. but don't tell her that. She might cry. Now Kita wants to write a completely OOC Harry Potter fic. We're scared...  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Draco Malfoy roamed the halls of GOA- whoa, what the hell.. Sorry there. He was roaming the halls of uhh Hogwarts. Yeah, that's it. So he was roaming and.. stuff... and then he walked into the Great Hall. I have no idea what that is but let's say they eat there. Because it was lunch time and Draco was hungry. So he walked over to the Slytherin table, all the while making funny faces at the other students because he felt like it. When Draco got to the table he realized there weren't any muffins. Uh oh.  
  
"...Where are the muffins?!" Draco was pissed. Other slytherins only looked at him funny or sneered.  
  
"I want my fucking muffin!" Now he was attracting the attention of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs. Draco's eyes was twitching violently. His minions, Crab and Goyle, made an attempt to clam him- er calm him. Damn typos.  
  
"You can have my cookie?" Offered Goyle. Which I don't think he'd ever do...  
  
"How about my blueberry spread?" said Crab. What the fuck is a blueberry spread?  
  
"NO! I don't want THOSE! I. WANT. MY. MUFFIN. There will be HELL TO PAY!!" Congratulate yourself, Draco. You have now gained the attention of the whole Great Hall. What will you do now?  
  
"AHHH!" Draco screamed.. and he screamed and he screamed! He was not going to be satisfied until he had a muffin. Correction, not ANY muffin but HIS muffin. Then he saw it... The golden brown, sugary, delicious frame of HIS chocolate chip muffin and it was in the hands of one boy, and one boy only. That boy was...  
  
"HARRY POTTER! You FUCKING ASS! How dare you!" Draco ran and threw himself onto Harry, making desperate attempts at gaining his prized muffin. To no avail, I'm afraid. However, compromising positions were made. #^____^#  
  
"Get the hell off me, Malfoy!"  
  
"Give! Me! My! Muffin!"  
  
"You're insane! Get away!"  
  
So Draco was promptly dragged away, kicking and screaming about muffins, by Professor McGonagall. I dunno... She just always seems to be there, ya know? o.O;;  
  
"I'll get you, Potter! I shall seek my revenge! MAY THE MUFFIN NEVER BE FORGOTTEN!"  
  
And so the muffin was never forgotten. To this very day, Draco Malfoy is plotting revenge upon Harry Potter... He should have just given him the fucking muffin.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
By now, you are probably worrying about Kita's mental health. Frankly, we all are. Why muffins? o.O;; Oh well. Makes for great writing, I suppose. So Kita laid back in her computer chair and pondered. She pondered and she pondered. Then she was out of pondering. Thoughts drifted from various positions the Gundam Wing pilots could get into..to.. other thoughts. Such as popcorn. And then bread. Hell, she even thought about writing another chapter to one of her fics! Surprisingly, Kiona diary entries came to mind. Again. 'Damn it, they're relentless! They shall forever haunt me and my crusty peas until I type them... What the hell? Crusty peas?' Oh yes. Kita was clearly bored. It didn't help that she wasn't tired. Nope. It was only 2:25 AM, after all! 'Hey.. My egg timers broken...!!' A sad thought indeed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Krusty Krab was under construction.. but of course it was still open due to the fact that Mr. Crabs was very selfish and loved money. So when SpondeBob cooked burgers there would be chipped paint, which is impossible since it's underwater, on the burgers and stuff like that. Of course, being it a cartoon, the customers didn't notice.  
  
Patrick walked in and then a boat fell on him. Don't ask why, it's a cartoon. SpondeBob didn't noticed, though. He was cooking burgers. Customers were crowding around Patricks impaled body. Mr. Krabs saw this as a money-making opportunity. So he charged them all to look at Patricks squished, pink corpse. Where was Squidward in all this? I don't know so sod off!  
  
The End.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Oh god... These are rough times for, Kita. She just wrote a mini-story about SpongeBob Squarepants! She really needs to sleep. Not even I, her muse, can save her now. Perhaps if a really big, ripe lemon fell on her. What?! LEMON? Ack! .- Her thoughts are clouding my judgement!! WATERMELON! WATERMELON!! There we go. Ripe, watermelon. Why was lemon brought up? ... Nevermind that. On with Kita's troubles. It's 2:32 AM and she has decided to go on-line again. Woo, much better. She clicks her way to FF.net and logs in. The stupid wench tries this several times before realizing her e- mail address is wrong. What? She's saving this document.. Why?! NO KITA! Don't do it! ACK! Damn it! Now I must quickly use my psychedlic mushroomy powers to add a disclaimer!  
  
- DISCLAIMER -  
  
Kita, the fog monkey, does not own Weiss Kreuz, Gundam Wing, Harry Potter, or SpongeBob. They belong to there respected... people things like people. She's just a very bored girl with an aching back and a sore bum who has no life what-so-ever. Yes, I know you did not need to here about Kita's bum. 


	2. And Then Ends

Unfortunately, Kita-Hoshi is still, utterly bored. It is 4:00 AM. This concludes that she has no life. Surely no self respecting person would be up at this hour, listening to celtic music and reading Sonic The Hedgehog yaoi fics? Kita is not self respecting. So, she is still up. It goes without saying that I also have no life, for I am recording Kita's actions on my laptop. Yes, I am one lame muse. Lookie! She has stumbled upon... FF7 fics and now desires macaroni and cheese. o.O;; I'm quite partial to Vincent.. and macaroni and cheese! Hell, Vincent covered in macaroni and cheese sounds good to me! It seems Kita has found her left over piece of spice cake... How long has that been there?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There once was a lone piece of spice cake. This piece of spice cake was no ordinary spice cake, though. It had oogley powers! o0o0o0o! Oogle at it's powers! ... Good. Now, this spice cake has a name. No ordinary name, no no! This spice cake was named... George. Isn't that a fabulous name? Wonderful, because the spice cake thinks so too.  
  
Erm.. So George the Spice Cake sat on a dish. However, this was no ordinary dish! This was a pretty dish with a floral design.. Pretty roses all over the pretty, non-ordinary plate! Simply lovely.. and non.. ordinary-like. Then all of a sudden! Out of the clear, blue sky, a birdy flies and drops radioactive waste on our amazing George, piece of spice cake! George was morphed into...  
  
SPICE CAKE MAN! Grrr... Defender of those who like.. Buttery, whipped frosting and delicious spices! DIETERS BEWARE! For Spice Cake Man has your demise already plotted in his super heroin mind. Mwaha! You will regret your evil, dieting ways... Piece of not-so ordinary spice cake by day... but by night! Crime fighting dessert!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
All suspicions of Kita's insanity have now been confirmed. She is insane. Lack of precious sleep is not doing well for our authoress. Oh what will save her?... 'Hey! Gundam Wing Yaoi Fanfiction!!' Kita is now pleased. She has found fanfiction suitable for reading.  
  
"Yay! 1x2! Joy joy joy," the insane authoress cheers. You go, girl! Read that fanfiction. Read it.. well..? Yeah... And so she does! She is not illiterate. Wh00t!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Oh GOD..."  
  
"Mmm.. Ugh.. Nagi.."  
  
Farfarello and Nagi were getting it on and on a desk no less! It had paperwork and a stapler, for Pete's sake! Though that didn't seem to interfere much with there pleasentries. Theeen Schuldich walked in! He was innocently trying to locate Ken, our favorite Weiss bishie, and stalk him, when he got wind of Nagi and Farfello's thoughts! Poor guy had to shove tissues up his nose to stop the blood from pouring out. -.o  
  
"What the hell are you two doing?!"  
  
Farfello froze and Nagi looked at Schuldich blankly. The Japanese boys hair was messed up and he was missing articles of clothing. Same goes for Farfello.  
  
"Leave," came Farfarello's voice.  
  
"Excuse me?..." Schuldich was flustered. o.O;; "You two were the ones fucking each others' brains out! How the fuck am I suppose to concentrate?!"  
  
Nagi repeated his lovers statement, "Leave... Please." Dear Nagi had to be polite. XD Haha.  
  
Schuldich twitched violently and walked stiffly out of the room.  
  
"Good luck with stalking Hidaka!"  
  
"FUCK YOU!"  
  
Maniacal laughter then once again with the moaning and other pleasentries.  
  
Meanwhile, Ken Hidaka was innocently eating some spice cake... and oh my GOD! Schuldich barged into Ken's apartment, smirking and carrying something which appeared to be a deadly weapon! Run Ken, RUN!  
  
"AHHHHH!!" screamed Ken in a girly way. "AYA-CHAN! Save me!"  
  
"Ugh." Poor Schuldich was perturbed.. HA! Perturbed... "Shut up about him for once!" Gasp. How mean!  
  
"Noooo!" And then Ken was tackled by Schuldich. Oh my! What suggestive possitions. Tsk, tsk! And of course, Aya-chan walks in. ^___^ Naughty, naughty Ken-san!  
  
Aya was mortified. "Ken?... Why?"  
  
"It's not what it looks like," Ken protested. Sure, Schuldich had somehow managed to strip him of his pants, straddle him, and loose his own clothing in the process. Not that two half-nakie bishies all over each other combined with the grunts and groans Aya heard would SUGGEST anything. No no no.  
  
Then Aya cried. He cried and he ran out of the room. Schuldich laughed in triumph.  
  
"MwaHA!" The bastard hugged poor Ken-san. "I've finally gotten rid of him and now you're mine! ALL MINE!"  
  
A loud scream. A thud. One tear-filled remorse followed by our favorite couple getting frisky underneath the sheets. Now all is well!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
. . . Nagi and Farfarello?! O.O I never thought I'd live to see the day. Go figure, though. Another Weiss Kruez short story. Shit. It's only 4:38 AM. Damn, this sucks. Kita would like to write more of these pointless fics. I want to shoot her, but she's the authoress and I'm the fucking god damn muse. Oh I'll get you, Kita. WAIT! She's got a good idea. '..Relena should fucking died. Ugh... Stalker! ... Hey, where's my list of ways to kill her?' Can't you just feel the evil smirk arising?  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ways to Kill Relena to Rhino-Humping Wench from Hell  
  
You can...  
  
1.) Cut off those fucking braids, strangle her with them.  
  
2.) Beat to death with shovel  
  
3.) Push her infront of a moving vehicle  
  
4.) Promptly stomp with MS  
  
5.) Rip out vocal chords. ("HEEEEEEROOOOOO~!!" .)  
  
6.) Throw a brick at her o.O  
  
7.) Throw into mind field  
  
8.) Slit her throat  
  
9.) Cut her up, throw in chum bucket  
  
10.) Push her fingers in the pencil sharpener  
  
11.) Wrap her in barbed wire, hang her from a tree  
  
12.) Chinese paper cut torture. (After you, Wufei!)  
  
13.) Drown her in the toilet  
  
14.) Drop a washer on her (Arigato, Kiona)  
  
15.) Explosives  
  
16.) Release rabid raccoon  
  
17.) Slowly drop acid on her  
  
18.) Show her vid. tape of Hee-chan and Duo-kun having "fun"  
  
19.) Gouge her eyes out with a pencil, shove pencil down her throat... May she choke on it!  
  
20.) Have Heero -finally- shoot her (Ah... That would be wonderful... *ditzy smile*)  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
'I feel better now. I should probably go to sleep now... Shame, the transe music isn't doing anything for me. Oh well!' Since Kita has finished up her 20 ways to kill Relena, I, the muse, must revise and edit this whole thing. Atleast Kita is done writing her fanfiction. Naturally, I have to type the fucking disclaimer because she wants to post this. Did you notice this has also become my rantings?  
  
"This is Kita-Hoshi, signing off at 5:05 AM! Happy New Year, minna-san."  
  
- DISCLAIMER -  
  
Kita does not own Weiss Kruez. She does, however, own Spice Cake Man and such. That and we're pretty sure the majority of those ideas for killing Relena are completely original. :P So there. Ah! She does not own Gundam Wing. We've also accomplished this without making obscene references to Kita's bum. Rejoice. 


End file.
